One of the most difficult aspects of parenting is handing out punishment. I know some of you are laughing to yourselves saying, “maybe for you it is.” However, disciplining children is much more than raising your voice and doling out spankings. God has a much broader idea in view when he describes what it takes to raise children.

I remember when my wife, Courtney, and I had our first daughter Noelle and thinking how difficult it would be when the time eventually came to spank her. She was so cute and “innocent” and could do no harm. Until that day came when my chest began to swell up inside me the first time she deliberately disobeyed me. No, I’m not talking about the first time she did something wrong. Every parent knows that moment when you need help from the Holy Ghost to keep you from doing something crazy to your child when they lash out in a defiant rebellion. One minute she was my “sweet little angel” and the next a hostile intruder. So the question on the floor is, how do you respond as a parent so that discipline doesn’t lose the potency that the Scriptures require it to have?

One of those ways is by not responding in anger simply because your authority has been offended. If you are anything like me I’ll assume you struggle with this one. I am not saying that you should not be angry when your child disobeys. What I am saying is that it is helpful to remember that biblical discipline comes from a place of love not wrath. Hebrews 12:6 says “the Lord disciplines those he loves.” Discipline here means to provide instruction, with the intent of forming proper habits of behavior. If our heavenly Father were to respond from his wrath every time we offended his anger we would be in big trouble. The truth is, discipline looks different depending on the situation. As a parent, it is your responsibility to be equipped to know how to apply the appropriate discipline for that situation.

Discipline here means to provide instruction, with the intent of forming proper habits of behavior.

Proverbs 22:15 reminds us that, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.” One of the great truths that many adults tend to overlook is that children are in fact that…children. My oldest daughter is very smart for her age and my wife and I hold her accountable for a lot. However, there are times where we have to step back and realize that she is only seven years old. There are a number of questions we have begun to ask ourselves to assess how to apply the discipline that may be necessary:

• Is she ignorant? (Has she learned this or does she not know what she’s doing)
• Did she make a mistake?
• Was this an act of defiance or direct disobedience?

It is important to begin asking these questions to identify how to use the “rod of discipline” the psalmist speaks of. In the Bible, the word ‘rod’ was used to describe the staff employed by shepherds when leading their flocks. The use of the staff had many different purposes. At times the shepherd needed to strike the sheep in order to keep them in line, but the rod was also used to comfort, lead, guide, direct, and protect the sheep.

One of the great truths that many adults tend to overlook is that children are in fact that…children.

When you think about how you discipline your children is your primary method using the rod to strike? How often do you use the rod to comfort your child when they are down on themselves for making a mistake? When was the last time you used that moment as a teaching opportunity to engage them in conversation? The methods we use to discipline our children must involve a holistic approach that makes use of all of these practices. If the end goal of discipline is forming proper habits of behavior in our children, then we must commit to more than a one-dimensional tactic. We must understand and utilize all the means of grace that God has given us to lead, guide, nourish, protect, and love our children to the glory of his name.