Why is Youth Ministry leaving the Church?

It was a little over nine years ago but I can still remember how I felt right before my oldest daughter’s birth. It is the curse of being a first-time parent. The feelings of anxiety, fear, excitement and an array of other emotions as you await the arrival of your new baby. But this was different.

Some months prior, our doctor called us into his office and began to explain that our baby girl only had one functioning kidney. Her other one was not working properly. But more than that, there was also serious concern that her bodily waste was moving backwards into the healthy kidney causing serious harm to her life.

I don’t remember much of what was explained during those doctor’s visits. However, I do remember conversations about necessary surgery as soon as she was born, and the possibility that her quality of life would be greatly diminished. Had I known then what I know now about kidneys and my daughter’s particular situation, I may not have been as concerned. But eight years ago, as a new husband and a first-time parent, I was scared.

Looking back at that situation I realize I was having a normal response to the information I was receiving. Any parent would be concerned upon hearing their child’s body was not developing the way it should. Especially if it kept them from living a full and unimpeded life. Some situations are more serious than others. Yet, anytime a baby is born underdeveloped in any way, there is cause for deep concern. If I may, there is a very disturbing trend developing among urban youth workers that is producing underdeveloped disciples. And we should all be greatly concerned.

I’ve had the great privilege of doing youth ministry while serving as the Student Ministries Pastor at a church in the heart of North Philadelphia for almost a decade. I could share countless stories of the incredible, frustrating, joyously tiresome yet all around encouraging work I’ve been blessed to do. I have laughed to the point of tears and cried myself to sleep. I have taken kids into my home and cheered while attending high school graduations. I’ve wept bitterly at funerals and have witnessed the transforming power of salvation.

I say this to illustrate the fact that being in the lives of youth requires an understanding that there are some unbelievable highs and some heartbreaking lows. Still, when you see just one youth changed by the power of the risen Christ it makes it all worth it.

So, what is this great cause for concern that is hampering the long-term growth of urban youth? It’s the ever-growing tide of youth ministry being done apart from and away from the local church. The church used to be one of the central locations where youth could receive respite from what seemed like an unforgiving environment. Church youth groups that met weekly and provided fun activities, food, community, and encouragement from God’s word were not an anomaly. However, this is no longer the case.

Over the years, there has been a decline in youth attendance at church which has resulted in the traditional “youth group” being rendered obsolete. I must stop here to say that the disappearance of youth in the church is an issue that must be addressed. But I will withhold from addressing that presently.

My foremost concern is concentrated on answering a few fundamental questions regarding our topic:

  • “If the church is not on the frontlines of engaging youth with the gospel and walking with them in discipleship relationships, then who is?”
  • “How did we get to the place where the church is no longer spearheading the charge in discipleship among young people in the community?”
  • “Why should the church be the central place where discipleship happens?”
  • And lastly, “What can we do to ensure that our youth are best positioned in sustainable long-term discipleship relationships?”

Let’s dive in. If the church is not the primary agent engaging youth, then who is? Answering this question is tricky. So here is the simple answer: individuals and organizations. There have always been individuals who have taken it upon themselves to reach the youth in their communities and you can still find them today.

Unless you reside in these neighborhoods, you may never know they exist. But I can guarantee you most kids and their parents know exactly who they are. They are highly trusted individuals who carry the burden of mentoring more kids than they can count. These are the people who typically work a regular 9-5, but can’t help themselves from pouring out all their resources to make sure the youth they engage have a fighting chance.

There has also been a rise in individuals creating their own non-profit organizations for the direct purpose of mentoring and discipling kids. I was recently on a panel at a local high school for an event addressing the lack of male engagement in our city. Of the 10 men participating on the panel 7 of them had started their own organization built upon mentoring youth.

This has become the new normal. What makes this interesting is that many of these individuals are professing believers who belong to a church in proximity to where they’re working.

They are not the only ones doing urban youth work. There are also plenty of Para-Church ministries as well as other organizations (founded upon Christian principles) dedicated to the work of ministering to our youth. I have worked closely with one of the larger ones here in Philadelphia called Young Life.

They have a great reputation as they’ve gone into numerous middle schools and high schools throughout the city. Young Life has done some incredible work mentoring the young men and women of our city. Whether through weekly clubs or an overnight camp in the summer, their work with youth is but a picture of what we see happening on a larger scale across many urban cities.

Nevertheless, with all of the great work being done to engage youth in urban cities, the purpose for much of these organizations’ efforts is being shortchanged. “Why is that?” you may ask, it’s because many of their methods of discipleship are extremely “right now” focused, rarely preparing youth for after they leave their programs.

Time after time, I’ve witnessed kids who are thriving emotionally, spiritually, and physically while a participant in one of these many types of youth based programs. However, they eventually move on, going off to college or simply age out. I recently met up with one such youth and asked how he was doing. His response only confirmed what I already knew.

Since graduating high school there was no one really reaching out to him like before. He felt lost and unsure about how to move forward because he no longer had those supporting relationships. Here is the question I often ask youth workers whose work never results in their kids becoming a part of a church: “What happens to these kids once you’re no longer around?”

If you, as a youth worker, only draw kids to yourself or your organization, then you are failing that child. You’re robbing them from reaching their fullest potential. Discipleship is so much bigger than you or me!

It is about helping our kids see themselves in relation to who God is and who they are as a part of His collective people. The goal of our discipleship has to be so much bigger than just our kid’s personal relationship with God. It has to include being in relationship with His people too.

In my opinion, there are two primary reasons why so many are doing youth work outside of the local church:

And tomorrow I’ll address what those reasons are and how we can begin to position our ministries to promote long-term health in the lives of our youth.

The Heart of Discipline

One of the most difficult aspects of parenting is handing out punishment. I know some of you are laughing to yourselves saying, “maybe for you it is.” However, disciplining children is much more than raising your voice and doling out spankings. God has a much broader idea in view when he describes what it takes to raise children.

I remember when my wife, Courtney, and I had our first daughter Noelle and thinking how difficult it would be when the time eventually came to spank her. She was so cute and “innocent” and could do no harm. Until that day came when my chest began to swell up inside me the first time she deliberately disobeyed me. No, I’m not talking about the first time she did something wrong. Every parent knows that moment when you need help from the Holy Ghost to keep you from doing something crazy to your child when they lash out in a defiant rebellion. One minute she was my “sweet little angel” and the next a hostile intruder. So the question on the floor is, how do you respond as a parent so that discipline doesn’t lose the potency that the Scriptures require it to have?

One of those ways is by not responding in anger simply because your authority has been offended. If you are anything like me I’ll assume you struggle with this one. I am not saying that you should not be angry when your child disobeys. What I am saying is that it is helpful to remember that biblical discipline comes from a place of love not wrath. Hebrews 12:6 says “the Lord disciplines those he loves.” Discipline here means to provide instruction, with the intent of forming proper habits of behavior. If our heavenly Father were to respond from his wrath every time we offended his anger we would be in big trouble. The truth is, discipline looks different depending on the situation. As a parent, it is your responsibility to be equipped to know how to apply the appropriate discipline for that situation.

Discipline here means to provide instruction, with the intent of forming proper habits of behavior.

Proverbs 22:15 reminds us that, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.” One of the great truths that many adults tend to overlook is that children are in fact that…children. My oldest daughter is very smart for her age and my wife and I hold her accountable for a lot. However, there are times where we have to step back and realize that she is only seven years old. There are a number of questions we have begun to ask ourselves to assess how to apply the discipline that may be necessary:

  • Is she ignorant? (Has she learned this or does she not know what she’s doing)
  • Did she make a mistake?
  • Was this an act of defiance or direct disobedience?

It is important to begin asking these questions to identify how to use the “rod of discipline” the psalmist speaks of. In the Bible, the word ‘rod’ was used to describe the staff employed by shepherds when leading their flocks. The use of the staff had many different purposes. At times the shepherd needed to strike the sheep in order to keep them in line, but the rod was also used to comfort, lead, guide, direct, and protect the sheep.

One of the great truths that many adults tend to overlook is that children are in fact that…children.

When you think about how you discipline your children is your primary method using the rod to strike? How often do you use the rod to comfort your child when they are down on themselves for making a mistake? When was the last time you used that moment as a teaching opportunity to engage them in conversation? The methods we use to discipline our children must involve a holistic approach that makes use of all of these practices. If the end goal of discipline is forming proper habits of behavior in our children, then we must commit to more than a one-dimensional tactic. We must understand and utilize all the means of grace that God has given us to lead, guide, nourish, protect, and love our children to the glory of his name.